Every Saturday I coach a little boys soccer team at a
children’s home. One of the younger boys on the team is named Luca. Luca is a
lot of fun to coach. He is excited to play, he works hard, and almost always
has a smile on his face. Saturday mornings our truck pulls up to the home and
one of the first boys I see is Luca. When he spots us arriving through the gate
he grabs his cleats, puts them on his feet, grabs the balls from the back of
the truck and runs to meet us at the field. As soon as he gets to the field he
promptly kicks off his cleats and
begins dribbling the ball around. And the sidelines are where his cleats remain
until the completion of practice. Even more humorous about this, is the fact
that Luca is not the only boy who prefers to play in bare feet. Sometimes the
boys will share a pair of cleats, each taking one boot. Most often they will
place the boot on their weaker foot, leaving the strong foot bare and available
to shoot with. It all made very little sense to me so the other day, after
spotting Luca’s cleats once again lying lifeless on the field, I asked Oom, one
of our Thai coaches, about this precarious situation. He explained to me that
he used to do the same. Oom also grew up in a children’s home and every so
often he would be given a pair of cleats. But as a young boy he found the
cleats to be uncomfortable, awkward, and in his words, “I thought my foot was
much stronger without the cleat.”
What
a silly thought, yet how similar am I when it comes to my perspective on gifts,
talents, strengths and even blessings. When someone asks me what my gifts or
talents are, I immediately begin to think about what it is that I am good at or
the things that come easy to me. Yet if I were to look back on my life over the
last 5, 10, or even 15 years, I would have to admit that the answer to the that
question has changed over the course of time. And it is not because suddenly I
became good at something that I previously struggled with. Rather it is because
God has placed me in various situations, brought about different circumstances
that forced me to grow, challenged me, allowed me to fail, picked me up and
challenged me again. When I first thought about being a missionary in a foreign
country, I thought that because God called me to go, He would make the process
easy and dare I say fun and rewarding. I thought I would slip on my missionary
cleats and walk with ease across the boarders, the culture, yes even the
language barrier. I thought my mind, soul, and spirit would magically be strong
enough to combat any negative thought or emotion that dared to challenge me.
When people asked me how it is that I know God has called me to go to Thailand
my immediate response would be, “because I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”
But now, a year a half later, it is time for true confessions. There are days,
in fact many days, where I would rather be anywhere else than here in Thailand.
Soon after arriving here I found that the missionary cleats are not so
comfortable. They take a lot of getting used to. I have stumbled, I have
fallen, I have cried and cried and cried because all I want to do is kick them
off my feet and go home. I have thrown my language book across the room because
there are a million tones which all have a zillion rules that do not make any sense
to me. At times I get frustrated with the children when listening and following
instructions is the last thing on their agenda. Once you see a moving creature
roaming around your dinner, Thai food becomes less exotic and more suspicious. And
don’t get me started on the driving rules, or should I say lack of rules, here
in this country. Skype is a
beautiful invention that allows us to stay connected with family and for that I
am so thankful, but so far it has not allowed me to go watch my nephew play
quarterback for his freshman football team, or to help my niece get ready for
her first high school dance or to hold my new nephew moments after his birth. I
miss silly things like warm fire places, pumpkin spice latte’s and black
licorice. But I’m getting carried away so let me bring you back around to the
illustration God showed me through Luca’s bare feet. Sometimes God’s greatest
gifts, our greatest strengths, our greatest blessings, are those for which we
must struggle for and stumble over in order to achieve and receive. Sometimes we have to take several painful
steps, even walk a few painful miles before the shoe begins to fit. And even
then, there are always a few rocks that get stuck underneath the toe along the
way. But if we don’t take the journey we will never see the full potential that
God has gifted us with. I still have far to go, the shoes are still awkward,
but the truth is, my confidence does not lie in the shoes, it lies in the one
that gave me the shoes. So why do I believe God has called me here to Thailand…well
I do have some fun and rewarding moments but I will have to hold off on giving
an answer. I’ll let you know in 5 to 10 years…or more.
